How Much the Small Things Count

How Trust is Built with Consistency

Today is Valentine’s Day. I'm also sitting on a board of directors, volunteering my time to turn an organization around. On a surface level these two things are completely unrelated, but they are more closely related than you might realize.

One of the more retarded traits that men seem to have is that they blow their load on grand gestures— or at least the promise thereof.

Trust, unfortunately, isn't a bank account. It is not something that you can make a large deposit and coast for the rest of the year. Trust, more specifically in one's competency, is built through consistency. Small and seemingly unimportant behaviors that compound over time.

The organization I am aiding in turning around is riddled with incompetence, laziness, apathy and disorganization. It is an uphill battle. While I have faith, it doesn't go unnoticed that small and very achievable tasks go undone, are pushed back or half-assed. When the small tasks aren't completed on time and efficiently, it waivers my trust in the organization and the people in it.

How can they possibly pull off larger tasks if they can't even accomplish the bare minimum?

Are they actually able to come through in an emergency if they are seemingly incompetent at accomplishing minor tasks?

If you think that this only applies to dysfunctional organizations, you would be wrong. Women assess a relationship in the exact same way.

I have no idea if it is the lack of strong male role models, Hollywood Rom-Coms, increased estrogen in the environment or any other multitude of reasons as to why many men fail to perform on a consistent basis. However, what I do know, is it is far too common.

In my experience, the perpetual man-child is the most common reason as to why relationships begin to deteriorate. As men are nothing short of half-autistic retards, we tend to falsely believe that one grand gesture, one boombox raised overhead, will wipe the slate clean.

It doesn’t work that way.

It is what you do day in and day out.

It is being competent.

Whether it is skills that are lacking in an organization or a relationship, the slate doesn't even come close to being wiped clean unless you can demonstrate consistent competence.

If your relationship is failing, a fancy dinner out on Valentine’s Day with flowers in hand doesn't mean shit. It is a poor attempt to make a deposit in the bank to balance the books.

Once you learn and apply the skills required to be competent in a relationship, you won't need to follow the script— Valentine’s Day becomes just another day.