Identity, Identifiers and Sense of Self

Identities are Retarded

Identity, identifiers and sense of self are not the same and commonly confused. Now, you may think this is an article that nitpicks some semantic nuance to showcase my brilliance, and I wish that were the case, but it is not. Identity is a weird thing. If you were to trust modern psychology or the intranets, you would conclude that forming an identity is a healthy expression of your ego— it isn't.

But before we get to that, there are a few things that are beneficial to understand, so bear with me.

Identifiers are labels we place upon one another as a short hand form of communication. It is derived from common patterns or observational categories for efficiency sake. For example, if someone says, “I'm a father” you assume a bunch of information about them: they are a biological male, have at least one child they are responsible for, probably had sex to create said child and don't have the same risk tolerance as a single guy in his twenties. However, those are all assumptions. We base our identifiers on cultural assumptions or “the norm”. When I jokingly say online that “I'm a sexual degenerate”, I am making the assumption that those in the West will understand that I have a more liberal attitude towards sex and possibly into various kinks that may not be common. Identifiers are heavily reliant on various assumptions and a certain degree of cultural homogeneity.

Sense of self is the awareness of your values, behaviors, capabilities, accomplishments and roles you play within a structure, whether that be the micro (family unit) or macro (society).

Identity, while similar to sense of self and can guide behavior, values, roles, etc. is essentially an archetype. I have come to terms with the fact that most of the population requires an identity to form a sense of self. It provides a structure to guide their actions so they don't need to create one themselves. The good Christian man doesn't need to think deeply about his values; Christianity lays it out for him. The drunken frat boy doesn't think twice about binge drinking; that's what drunken frat boys do. The good mom won't tell her kids to find something to do so she can fuck her husband; she'll gladly set up a play date because that's what good moms do.

Identities are Retarded

Although, I've given you a taste, I'm going to introduce two concepts (well, maybe one and a definition, but I digress) to better understand the issue with forming identities.

Container Words: as Rian Stone wrote, “ a container word is a box, a box with a label on it. You take this box with a label on it, and fill it with emotions, feelings, and ego. You seal the box and throw it at someone else. They have their own box, and it’s filled with their own emotions, their own feeling, and their own ego. Since your box differs from theirs, and everyone's box benefits themselves, they use their box as a cudgel against your box. You must adopt the contents of their box or else suffer narcissistic rage”.

Connotation: from our AI overlords, a connotation is “the underlying emotion, cultural meaning, or implied feeling associated with a word, extending beyond its literal, dictionary definition. Words can carry either positive, neutral, or negative connotations, heavily influencing the tone of communication”.

As you can see, communication between humans contains a lot of unspoken assumptions sometimes aiding in the efficiency of communication if there is a mutual cultural understanding of the language and how it applied. Other times when those assumptions are not congruent, it can cause strife.

So what the fuck does language have to do with any of this?

Language, thought and behavior are always intertwined in a complicated ménage à trois. Behavior can dictate thought as much as thought can dictate behavior. Thought is guided by language and language helps articulate thought. Language is also used to help categorize and describe not only behavior and feelings, but assists in making sense of the physical word we are all apart of.

And our brains are hardwired to find shortcuts to conserve calories.

This is why much of language is built on assumptions and consistent definitions. You don't need to go much further than the Trans Movement to see the clusterfuck that happens when we take liberties with language. Words matter. Words matter a lot.

When we form an identity we are adopting a worldview based on a homogeneous understanding of language and the behaviors implied within— not a sense of self. Which may not seem like a big deal, especially if we have a consistent understanding and use of language, but people aren't so cookie cutter and when personal action is thrown into the mix you get one of two outcomes: either you conform to the accepted identity or that identity causes a narcissistic injury if you deviate from it.

Let's use the example of a '“good dad”. When he makes a decision for his kids is he making a decision to perform the role of a “good dad” (which feeds into his identity) or is he making a decision that is in the best interest of his children? Furthermore, if he is making a decision that is in the best interest of his children, is he sacrificing too much? Does a “good dad” go into debt and forego his retirement savings so his kids can have more while under his care? If the decision he makes causes his kids to hate him, is he still a “good dad”?

There are no right or wrong answers to any of the aforementioned. What I want to point out is that actions are not going to be purposeful, they will be in service to an identity— and worst of all, identities are formulated by external consensus. You are not acting with purpose, you're acting to reinforce your ego via the identity you created.

Moreover, identities tend to come with auxiliary expectations and beliefs, commonly referred to as belief constellations. Think of the common “progressive”. To be considered a progressive by today's standard, there is a laundry list of values and beliefs you must hold to stay in the club. Many of which end up contradicting themselves to the point where you get absurdities like Queers for Palestine or men demolishing women in competitive sports for the sake of feminism.

But this isn't only limited to progressives, politics or anything else. We are all capable of (and perhaps inclined to) form identities.

Like I said earlier, most people adopt an identity to guide their worldview, values and behaviors. The problem is when that identity is challenged the only options are to sperg out due to narcissistic injury or conform to the norm; there is no room for purposeful self-interested and self-directed action.

Treat Forming Identities as Covert Contracts

Forming a sense of self not attached to an identity takes work and self-reflection. It takes metacognition. Thinking about how and why you think what you do. It takes peeling back the layers to understand yourself on a more fundamental level.

It can be scary for people. If you are truly honest with yourself, you'll likely find that all your behaviors, beliefs and actions are self-interested. It can make you feel like a “bad person”. It's easier to sugar coat your need for validation in altruism, your desire for cultural homogeneity for what's “good for the nation” or any other belief or action you take that may be directly or indirectly self-interested through a proxy.

Conversely, you may realize that you are lighting yourself on fire to keep others warm just to reinforce the identity you adopted, because that identity conforms to the expectations of others and doesn't get people mad at you.

Identities at their core are an adoption of an archetype formed through language to reinforce behaviors expected from said archetype. The good dad, the slut, the victim, the alpha male, etc. It is a reinforcement mechanism to justify your actions without thought or self-reflection.

Identities form. It happens. But much like covert contracts they're not beneficial to you. You are best to acknowledge when you are forming one and squash it immediately. When you find your inner-monologue using language like, “I am such and such”, know you are likely forming or reinforcing an identity. Kill that. Focus on your actions, behaviors, beliefs, etc. and what happens as a response. Take that information and make purposeful decisions. That's what forms a sense of self detached from an identity.

Allow your sense of self to come from within, not an external locus of control.