It's Not About Control; You Fucking Retard

The Covert Contract Many Guys Will Never Eliminate

Many hapless men come to this space looking for answers; ways to improve their relationship or to even get their dick wet enough to fall into one. And a large majority of them, regardless of how much they learn, will never get it.

There are no tips and tricks. There are no strategies to get your girl to do what you want. There is no formula to living a problem free life.

The only thing any of us can offer you are tools and mental models to navigate the terrain. Full stop.

But regardless of how many times I express this, there will always be a large group (dare I even say the majority) of guys that will never be able to let go of the biggest covert contract in this space:

“If I learn X, women will do what I want and I'll have a problem-free life”.

Sorry to break it to you, sperg: you cannot control anybody.

The best you can do is build a skill set to become more attractive, shed your unattractive behaviors and start to take deliberate actions to get what you want out of life. But even then, you'll never get everything you want.

As Thomas Sowell has famously said:

“There are no solutions, there are only trade-offs; and you try to get the best trade-off you can get, that's all you can hope for”.

Back to dumb-ass guys.

Many men lurk in this space thinking that if they consume the right amount of Rollo, they'll understand women and dominate like the Secret King they were meant to be.

Fucking Christ. I can't even.

I'm going to go over three simple principles that I see get fucked up consistently. Unfortunately, these things are so important to internalize that failure to do so renders anything else in this space moot. So if you happen to be guilty of this, feel the need to debate it or reading it fills you with an uncomfortable feeling, know that you got some fucking work to do.

Covert Contracts

Holy fuck. This one is so important because if you fail to eliminate the aforementioned covert contract (see above), you will be attempting to shove a square peg into a round hole with everything you learn.

For whatever reason guys want to think that eliminating covert contracts is a way to get people to do what you want or that expressing your expectations clearly is a way to ensure your covert contracts are eliminated. They are not.

The sole purpose of eliminating covert contracts is to get the stupid notion out of your head that just because you did X, Y will inevitably happen and to nuke the resentment that comes along with that when Y does not happen.

Y may happen. But there is no guarantee. Everything in this space is about probability and increasing your chances. Nothing more. You can do everything “right” and still have life goes to shit.

This space teaches you how to navigate life for yourself. This isn't paint by numbers. If you think it is, your covert contract is showing.

Expectations

One of the reasons I harp on the transactional nature of relationships so much is to remind guys that your expectations don't mean shit unless what you offer is worth the trade-off.

“You mean women have agency and may not feel that the value you bring is worth your expectations”?

Yes. Yes I do.

You may think you're king shit, but that doesn't mean she will.

“But I did all the things”

Yes, you did. And your covert contract is showing.

If you are doing all “the things” for a girl, you are doing it wrong.

As previously mentioned, these tools and mental models are here to help increase your chances, nothing more. If a girl doesn't meet your expectations, you have to either:

1. Up your value

2. Lower your expectations

3. Find another girl

4. All, or any combination, of the above

Having expectations by themselves are fucking useless unless “the juice is worth the squeeze”. Yes. Believe it or not this adage applies to men just as much as it applies to women. And even then, not all women are going to be willing to trade-off the same things.

Get that covert contract out of your head that because you are attractive and have expectations, that means she needs to meet them. She doesn't. Maybe she is incapable or just doesn't want to. Either way, you can't change that.

Boundaries

Again, boundaries are not for anyone but yourself. Too many guys confuse boundaries with ultimatums.

Ultimatums don't work. They are an overt manipulation tactic that women will blow up and call your bluff every time.

Ultimatums are a petty threat to attempt to coerce someone else into doing something out of fear of retaliation. It is itself a covert contract:

If I threaten X, she'll be so scared of the repercussions that she'll do Y and I'll have a problem-free life.

That shit is retarded.

Boundaries are not for other people to change their behavior, they are a clear announcement of the behavior you will and will not tolerate.

“Aren't those the same thing”?

No dummy.

Exercising boundaries, although similar in appearance to ultimatums, removes the covert contract that expects anything from another person. Essentially, you are demonstrating your response to behaviors you don't tolerate. It is up to the person who made the transgression whether or not they continue their behavior.

If they change their behavior, cool. No harm no foul.

They continue, you continue to remove your attention, affection or commitment to whatever degree you think is appropriate for the transgression.

It is not about punishment or coercion. It is understanding that what you give is a gift and, much like removing your covert contracts to understand that nobody owes you shit, you don't owe anyone anything.

Unfortunately, if you still have covert contracts (especially the one mentioned at the start of this post), you'll never be able to frame your boundaries as true boundaries; they'll be ultimatums.

Conclusion

This space is invaluable. I have seen it help many, many men. However, it is not a guarantee for all. In fact, I would say only a small percentage ever “get it”. Guys have a bitch of a time letting go of the fantasies they build in their minds that give rise to covert contracts.

If you cannot let go of the fact that nothing in this space is about control, then I can't help you.

Go crack yourself a White Claw and hold those bitches accountable.