"Next": The Snowflake's Response to Conflict

Autism Meets Boundaries

If there is one thing the internet has made me realize, is that I continually underestimate the level of unfiltered autism amongst the general population.

There is an Overton Window in just about every aspect of life and if not for internet retards, I wouldn't have much to write about this week…

but, here I am.

We'll get back to internet spergs in a moment.

Boundaries

Boundaries are important. They are not ultimatums to coerce people into doing what you want. They are a way to enforce what you will and will not tolerate in your life— the operative word being “tolerate”.

It is completely up to the individual to decide what they will and will not tolerate. I am not the authority in your life; no one but yourself is. However being unable to tolerate the slightest disagreement or amount of strife in your life doesn't mean you have strong boundaries, it means you're intolerant.

People have disagreements, difference of opinion, different beliefs and act in their own self-interest. Being able to form healthy and mutually beneficial relationships means assessing which hills you are going to die on and which battles are not worth fighting. You can't control anyone. The best you can do is enforce boundaries and leave it up to the other person(s) to choose whether or not you are worth your boundaries— the operative word being “worth”.

People who are able to form healthy relationships relatively easily inherently understand this. Rather than focus on what separates them from others, they seek common ground and can mitigate conflict fairly well. But most of us aren't this type of person and we usually have to learn one, or both, of these skills.

The Conflict Avoidant and Ego

I'm sure some first year Psychology major is going to flip out for me saying this, but from what I can tell the ego’s only purpose is to post-hoc justify your stupid emotional impulses as a reinforcement mechanism. It is the primary reason people continue to dig their own grave until they are in dire straits left wondering how the fuck they wound up in the position they are in.

Conflict avoidant people tend to separate themselves into two groups: people pleasers and insufferable assholes/cunts. Unfortunately for most men, the fear of losing access to pussy tends to place them in the first group. I write enough about calibrating to center from that position; this post is about calibrating back from the other extreme.

The opposite of the doormat is the snowflake that melts down and takes their ball home over every little grievance. It is the adult child that is going to have it their way or not at all. It is a complete lack of social adeptness and understanding of their position on the totem pole that causes these people to pout like a toddler when they don't get their way.

When either two of these groups of people respond in their default way, their ego jumps to their defense to craft a narrative to reinforce why their emotional response was justified.

Getting back to internet autism, this is no better exemplified than in the Live, Laugh, Love self-help space of middle age divorcees and the “Next her, bro” space of clueless young men giving one another relationship advice. While occasionally I write for both sexes and once for specifically women, I write to help men. So the Live, Laugh, Love tribe can cope and squawk amongst themselves on this one— not my fucking problem.

Okay Boys, This One's For You

Listen. I'm not saying not have boundaries. I can't stress enough how important boundaries are. However, let's go back to the start of this post and look at the two operative words: “tolerate” and “worth”.

Nobody has to do a goddamn thing you want. If you have read my posts for a while, this sentence will be familiar: all relationships are transactional. The value you bring to another person is going to influence, for better or worse, the value you receive.

Beyond bringing value, there are also expectations of behavior that is or is not acceptable. This is where boundaries come in. Actions, as harmless as they may seem, may be an absolute no-go for a person. What those are is completely up to the individual, but realize other people have standards and boundaries of their own. A healthy relationship subtextually or overtly negotiates the value and boundaries of each person to find a happy middle that satisfies both parties.

“That sounds a lot like an ‘equal partnership’ and ‘compromise’ women harp on about. What is this bullshit”?!

Slow down, young man. There is some very important nuance here that you are missing.

Remember, every relationship is transactional.

Which means, you have to bring enough value to justify your asking price— your boundaries. That is what a lot of young men seem to miss.

“But I’m young, fit, in school to become a professional and have some game”.

Good for you. So do hundreds of thousands of other guys your age. You ain't shit— and that's okay.

If you have been sleeping with a girl for three months and she has a fucking meltdown over something, go ahead, kick her to the curb. If you have been dating a loyal girl that treats you well and has a rare irritational hissy-fit after two years of dating, you may want to reconsider the advice of “just next her, bro”.

What the bravado of young men and delusion of middle-aged spinsters have in common is they both cherry pick the part of boundaries that suits them, blissfully forgetting the other half. Are your boundaries worth the value you bring?

As a young man, you are a dime a dozen. You are a cheap commodity. But here is the good news: so is good pussy. Furthermore, seeing as the feminist movement did a pretty effective job at convincing young women to discard any other trait that would make them desirable, as a man you have an advantage.

It doesn’t take much, even as a young broke man, to put yourself in a higher tier. But that does take some effort and self-reflection. Furthermore, do realize that you will most likely have to sort through a lot of trash before you find a solid girl. But when you do, drop the bravado and have some grace.

A healthy relationship is a completely different skill set from getting laid. There are enough examples of “Pick Up Artists” that became dutiful plowhorses or playboy men paying child support to multiple women all because they never learned how to adeptly handle conflict and fell into one of the two categories previously mentioned.

It plays to your ego to next a girl for the slightest indiscretion, but in doing so you are throwing away the opportunity to gain experience required to mitigate conflict. Like everything, there is an Overton Window. It doesn't mean treat a plate like a wife, but it also means don't take your ball and go home because a girl acted like a girl. It behooves you to constantly calibrate your value and boundaries. Know your place on the totem pole and ask yourself “is the value I bring worth my boundaries”?

As a man, it is not in your best interest to be a conflict avoidant snowflake. The internet bravado of spergs will lead you to believe that you're king shit and you don't have to tolerate anything that causes you grief. Realize this is a bunch of conflict avoidant young men circle jerking one another off as a cope no different than middle aged spinsters and divorcees telling each other “you go queen, you don't need a man”. They are two sides of the same pathetic coin.