What is a 'Slut'?

The Moving Goalpost

Oh, how this word gets tossed around. Some guys use it disparagingly towards women who have more sexual experience than they are comfortable with, some women use it as an identity to promote their autofiction literotica and others use it to describe any girl who is down to fuck.

From a strict definition standpoint the Oxford dictionary defines a slut as a woman (or person) regarded as having many sexual partners. Or person? How progressive! How many is many? Five? Ten? Twenty?

Cambridge has an even more convoluted definition as it is defined as a person who has sexual relationships with many people without emotional involvement. Oh, so as long as there is emotional involvement, the number could be a thousand? What does emotional involvement entail? If she thinks he is hot and gets butterflies in her stomach, does that count? If so, that's the majority of times a woman has ever fucked a guy unless she's a pornstar or prostitute.

As you can see these definitions are shit. They are vague at best and arbitrary at worst. So what if we went full steam internet autist? The average lifetime sexual partners according to the infinite wisdom of the intranets is seven to nine and a half. Because self-reporting, especially with women, has shown to be 100% accurate 100% of the time. And I assume that half is guys a girl couldn't bring to nutting. Shame on you ladies! We need a little more effort from your side (if you took that statistics joke seriously, you may want to get checked for autism).

Anyways…

So let's say the New Stripper Standard Edition definition of a slut is a woman who has had ten or more lifetime sexual partners.

Easy, right? We have a solid delineation between slut and not-slut.

So that high-school senior that fucked three guys at the same time in an airtight, fucked your best friend, fucked the coke dealer behind a dumpster, took it ass to mouth from her stepdad, made a series of porn videos for OnlyFans with two different guys and just finished fucking you, is by definition not a slut. You were number nine. You need to break ten, remember?

Conversely, that 35 year old that has had a series of long-term relationships since she was 18 years old is definitely a slut. She has a notch count of 11.

What a fucking whore.

Ego and Identity

As I previously wrote about in my last post, adopting an identity isn't the healthiest thing to do for yourself, but when you frame your sense of self through an identity, you inevitably use that same construct to cast others into an identity as well.

In all fairness, it is a natural behavior. It is a way to quickly categorize new people as a defense mechanism. We all do it, but it doesn't mean it is mentally or emotionally healthy to do so.

When it comes to the word slut for men it typically means one of three things depending on the man.

The Sexual Loser (a.k.a. the incel)

This is most single men that come to this space as they are sexually unsuccessful with women. The word is used for any woman that has more sexual experience than they do (which is likely all women). Any promiscuous behavior at all is a damning action. Two sexual partners is too many. This guy consumes ragebait and attempts to chastise women online for their sexual behaviors. He has vivid revenge fantasies where all these promiscuous women will have their comeuppance. He believes these women will be lonely, used pieces of trash nobody wants, living with their cats in squalor.

This is Michael's Story. It is on the Sidebar for a reason.

Your Average Chump with the Madonna/Whore Complex

This is most men. This is also the most variable. It really is a clusterfuck.

Have you ever been speeding as you come up to a wall of drivers going the speed limit only to get frustrated because in your estimation those drivers are going to slow? Then once traffic clears up and you start speeding again another driver flies by only for you to shake your head while thinking, “that asshole is going to kill someone”?

Yeah. Same thing.

The only barometer is your ego.

Every woman who has more sexual experience than you is clearly a slut and not worthy of motherhood, let alone marriage or dating. You are okay if she has a notch count, but it can't be higher than yours. You aren't okay if she does anal. Well, with other guys, that is. Anal doesn't make her a slut as long as it is with you. Threesomes? Forget it. What a whore. Well, unless it is two girls with you and not two guys for her.

Conversely, that good girl you married definitely wasn't a slut. That's why you married her. Then she cheated. She was a slut! What a bitch! How could she hide her true slut nature for over a decade?!

The ego is a motherfucker.

Don't get me wrong. Every guy has his limits with what he is and isn't okay with when it comes to a woman's sexual history. So any ladies reading this, don't think this is a blank cheque to be free of judgement or consequence. But what this illustrates is that most guys don't actually have a clear concept of what sexual history is and isn't a deal breaker. It's an ever shifting goalpost based on a man's feelings and ego. It is arbitrary and not very useful.

I would make the case that once a guy has plenty of sexual experience he'll be in a position to shed this and be able to have clear boundaries as to what sexual history he can tolerate (and they tend to be pretty flexible). Once you can shed the Madonna/Whore Complex you can start to focus on what really matters in a relationship, dating or even hooking up for the first time— how you are being treated.

Which leads to…

Th Guy Who Fucks

These guys (for the most part) have shed their Madonna/Whore Complex. They have out-fucked their feelings of inadequacy. A woman's sexual history isn't something to be fearful of, it just becomes one of many data points to take into account when deciding if she is worth a spot in your life.

The label slut becomes nothing more than a quick way to ascertain that a girl will fuck you without the expectation of jumping through hoops. This is why you will hear from myself and many of my peers that we love sluts. Because that's all slut means to us. It is a signal that the road to fucking won't be unnecessarily complicated or arduous.

Again, to reiterate, that doesn't mean there isn't a bridge too far. All guys have their limits, but for a guy who fucks those unacceptable behaviors tend to be on the margins. They understand women are people— and people like to fuck.

Conclusion

The word slut is a container word. It's meaningless. It holds no weight beyond what your ego needs it to be. It will be different for every person and no person will ever understand how their version differs from yours.

The only utility I find in calling a girl a slut is when she raises her head, gasping for air as I grab her chin and force her to look in my eyes while I praise the efforts of a good little…