Critique of 'The Secret Society'

The Secret Society Redux: Part I

Rian Stone has the original post of ‘The Secret Society’ by RSD Tyler or Tyler Durden on his Substack. While I will be pulling excerpts from this post, I will not be referencing it in its entirety. I would suggest giving it a quick read before starting this post. It isn't required, however.

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“But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it”. - Bane (The Dark Knight Rises, 2012)

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Forward

Yup. I quoted a Batman movie. Deal with it.

I haven't written much about myself in my posts. I prefer it that way. I would rather have the concepts and mental models stand on their own merit detached from any “authority” or identity. However, with this particular post (and the subsequent one to follow) I do believe it is best to give some context to the author (me, not RSD Tyler).

While every man inherently has The Madonna/Whore Complex wired in their brain (a biological reason for such that I am not going to get into now), mine was extremely muted growing up.

It also helps that while I am not the picture perfect Roman sculpture of masculine beauty, I would be generally considered a physically attractive man. Along with my weirdly nonchalant attitude towards sex for being (as a high-school girlfriend would call me) a horn-dog, I was able to find sexual success a lot earlier than most guys.

I grew up in a very sexually liberal household. Sex wasn't shamed nor what is idolized, it just was. My parents advised my not to get a girl pregnant before I was ready and to be safe as not to catch an STD, but other than that pretty much anything was permitted. It was common for me to bring girls home while I lived with my parents and take them to my room or to the basement to fuck. My parents never really cared. My mom made a sassy comment on occasion, but never about the girl or the act of sex itself; it was more of an acknowledgement her son was a man-whore and nothing was going to change that fact.

My parents were good friends with my friend’s parents across that street. A couple, that years later, I would find out were swingers. Their house had a bar in the basement, a hot tub and sexually provocative monochrome photos hanging on the wall.

I spent a lot of time over there.

In university I worked in a sex shop. The interview, to which I would realize many years later, was a giant shit test. In Canada at least, you won't find many heterosexual men working in sex shops. It is because most heterosexual men, although they claim not to be, are very uptight and judgmental when it comes to sex; the last thing you want when a fifty year old man walks in the door looking for the best dildo to be pegged with while watching bisexual porn.

I got the same comments over and over again from guys when they found out I worked in a sex shop. It was either some childish remark about jerking off at work all the time, wondering if I was forced to watch gay porn or idolization of what really was just another job. Rarely did I meet another heterosexual man that would have what it takes to work in that atmosphere. Hence the reason most sex shop employees are either women or gay/bi men.

As much as I use terms like “target rich environment”, “wingman”, “kill count”, etc. it really is code switching for those I write to. Men typically view sex as something to be obtained; a treasure that is being withheld from them; a game to be played and won. It is this framing of sex that excludes men from working in a sex shop and equally The Secret Society.

I never articulated my experience, I just knew parts of it were very similar to what my other sexually successful friends experienced. However, something was uniquely different. It wasn't until I got to university, joined a Fraternity and worked in a sex shop did I meet more guys like me. Even then, we were the vast minority in a minority, but we all had that je ne sais quoi that I wasn't able to fully articulate until after I fell into this niche corner of the internet.

Intro

The Secret Society is an old post that was written before many of the mental models and concepts that we now know were formed. While the author makes many observations that are true, there are some blatantly false assertions. Moreover, the language used, whether it was meant to be hyperbolic or not, comes of as an “Alpha Male” power fantasy.

Admittedly, he states that his post is semi-satirical. But why do this if you are writing honestly? I take it as the same way women cherry pick agency. If a criticism is made or someone calls him out for his false assumptions and hyperbole, he can play the “well that was the satirical part” card. It is bullshit to insulate himself from the fact that he hasn't put it together properly.

The Secret Society certainly exists, but it isn't what RSD Tyler asserts. While many of the benefits of being a ‘member’ of The Secret Society overlap with highly attractive and sexually successful men, they are two distinct groups. Some men of The Secret Society are incredibly attractive to a great many number of women, but it isn't required. You certainly have to be attractive to a certain extent, but the concept that The Secret Society is made up of Chad Thundercock and his marauders of poon is nothing more than bravado.

At its core The Secret Society is a safe place for women to explore the boundaries of their sexuality, have sexual experiences and get their needs met without judgement while simultaneously keeping their reputation intact.

The Critique

I don't care to pick apart ‘The Secret Society’ word for word, it is a waste of time and rather unnecessary, but I do find it useful to thoroughly examine “the rules”. These “rules’ are not rules in a standard sense. All of this is subconscious. I believe RSD Tyler is aware of this as well, but for the sake of mitigating autism, it is worthwhile to note.

Let's begin.

1) Don’t talk about the secret society.

Of course the guy who also goes by the name of Tyler Durden is going to make “the first rule” the same as Fight Club. However, this is all subconscious social filtering for a purpose: a safe space for women to explore their sexuality, have sexual experiences and get their needs met sexually.

There is a level of discretion that is required, but even for the average guy it is a bad move to kiss and tell (kind of). Being discrete is valuable as women take their reputations seriously and regardless of what they may do or who and how many they do it with, they don't want to be shamed for it.

Women will test the waters of your sexual openess. Most conversations are spoken in the subtext. This is a must as if judgement comes their way, plausible deniability is their escape plan leaving their reputation intact. However, once she knows that you are safe and free of judgment, conversation becomes very honest and overt. I will expand on this later on.

2) The priority of the secret society is to have perpetually good emotions in all members.

No.

Even sex amongst the larger population is not about perpetually good emotions. Strong emotions, sure. But they don't have to be good. Furthermore, it is not about emotions per se. Women need to feel attracted and safe, but only in so much as to be able to explore their sexuality, have sexual experiences and get their needs met sexually. Any emotions that are associated only exist as a prerequisite for the safety and attraction needed to do the aforementioned.

3) Create shrowds around the secret society, like “all men are dogs”. Hide the truth that women are far more likely to cheat than men.

This isn't wrong necessarily, but it isn't specific to The Secret Society. This is plausible deniability and reputation management to protect women at large. To maintain the facade that women are chaste, innocent creatures that don't like sex and certainly are not sluts.

As for the assertion made about cheating: maybe. But if that is true, I would suspect that it is only because women on average have vastly superior access to sex than men.

Regardless, it really doesn't have anything to do with The Secret Society per se, so let's move on.

4) If you are part of the secret society, you will never be denied anything at any point.

No.

No.

No.

I hope to fuck this is “semi-satirical” part he was talking about. Talk about setting some autistic fuck up for a rape charge.

Granted, it is not the responsibility of an author to govern the actions of his or her readers, but still…

There is no man on this planet that is attractive to all women, let alone to the point that they will never be denied or rejected. This is the fucking retarded “Alpha Male” power fantasy. This is the giant Covert Contract that guys who didn't fuck and can now fuck build in their heads. It is the Dunning-Kruger of fucking.

I can't even…

5) If you are not part of the secret society, you will scrap and beg for everything you get.

Not true.

Tyler is conflating The Secret Society with sexually successful men. They are two distinct groups with a lot of overlap. If you are on the outside looking in, it is very easy to confuse the two.

One of the dead giveaways that he doesn't get it is he makes the correct observation about all gay men being apart of The Secret Society, but never explores further.

I would suspect because the gay guy that, if it weren't for him being gay, wouldn't be touched by women with a ten foot pole doesn't fit into the Chad Thundercock model of what he falsely asserts The Secret Society is.

6) Communication in the secret society is less often verbal, and more often spoken through bodylanguage subcommunications, and verbal subcommunications that would only make sense to members. Any other way, and the 48% of men would pick up on it, and it would no longer be a secret.

This is not wrong in the context of the greater relationship between men and women. Women speak in subtext. However, as I previously mentioned women will test the waters to see how sexually open-minded you are and once they feel as though you are a safe person to do so, the language drastically changes.

Anyone who has been privy to the way women talk about sex when men aren't around will tell you women can be incredibly detailed and vulgar. Most men will never experience this due to the their own judgment. Regardless of what you say, your body language, tone and expressions will give you away. Only when you honestly cast away any judgement will you be privy to this.

Ask a gay man how he talks about sex with his girlfriends.

Another thing that RSD Tyler hand waves away after making the correct observation, is that all gay men are in The Secret Society. But he doesn't know enough to deduce why.

Homosexuality, although very much accepted at large in society today, is still by virtue of the act of gay sex itself, pushing the boundaries of sex. It is inherently seen as a signal of sexual acceptance and non-judgement; which is what The Secret Society is all about. It isn't an uber-Chad fantasy.

While highly sexually successful men may experience a lot of overlap with The Secret Society, they are two distinct groups. You can be in both, which is the primary reason that RSD Tyler has conflated the two, but they are separate.

7) At the first sign that someone who is not part of the secret society is possibly trying to pretend that he is, barate him with both love-rhetoric, and accusations of chauvanism and nit-witted-ness.

It’s OK to cheat on someone who is not a part of the secret society, so long as it is for the purpose of fulfilling the needs of someone who is, or if it to fulfill your own needs and it is with someone who is a part of the secret society. Sleeping with a rare guy from the secret society is no worse than grinding with a girlfriend at a club and making out with her. “It doesn’t count”.

Talk about validation seeking.

Why would any guy who fucks, let alone is a part of The Secret Society, engage with the type of man RSD Tyler describes? He needs to convince himself he is the Chad Thundercock he thinks he is.

As for cheating. Women cheat for a multitude of reasons with a variety of guys. This is more “Alpha Male” power fantasy horseshit.

The one thing he does get right, is that women will justify their actions so “it doesn't count”. This is a form of self-absolution against judgement. Whether it is warranted or not is a matter of context.

9) Nobody judges eachother in the secret society. There is no such thing as a slut. A slut is only as slutty as people who are NOT in the secret society are aware of.

This. This is the only “rule”, if there are any, that is 100% correct. It's not just about numbers, though. It is about all of it. Desires, kinks, past experiences, etc. are not judged. That isn't to say that you can't have your own boundaries, but in The Secret Society a person's past matters very little (if anything, the more experience and open-mindedness, the better).

It is also worthy to note that both men and women can compartmentalize their time in The Secret Society (if you can call it that) and how they operate in a relationship or even what they look for in a long-term partner. Women can easily hand wave away their time as “a phase”, while guys can discern that certain extreme behaviors might be a sign of an underlying issue that might make for a difficult long term relationship and rather not take the risk.

Everyone judges to some extent. However, those of The Secret Society keep it to an extreme minimum and certainly don't shame people for their experience, kinks and desires.

10) Secret society members COME FIRST. If someone in the society is not having fun with an interaction, it is cut off. Conversely, if a secret society male is with a non-secret-society male, and a secret society female (all females) decides she wants sex from the secret society male, the friend of the female may have sex with the non-secret-society male, because EVERYONE in the interaction must feel good. However, if the non-secret-society male is blowing himself out so badly that he makes the female member feel very bad emotions, then the secret-society-male must face the consequences of bringing negative emotions into the equation, and lose out on his privilege for sex in that interaction, until he ditches the non-secret-society male. Bear minimum requirements for non-secret-society males being grandfathered in with the male member, is that he not qualify himself or make anyone feel uncomfortable. Failing to meet those requirements, both are blown out.

This is just an autistic way of describing the behavior that women too, will jump on the grenade for their girlfriend. However, unlike men who do it to remove a cockblock, women typically do it so they don't feel a certain way about their actions. They, at times, require a partner in crime.

He is right about not creeping out girls, but it is needlessly wordy and convoluted.

At this point, I’ve beaten a dead horse. There is no need for further criticism of “the rules”.

With that said, there is a similar dynamic in The Secret Society. It is more common for group interactions. You need guys that are open minded and discrete.

For example if a woman wants to try their first double penetration, as a conscious choice and not a drunken experience that “just happened”, they will typical ruthlessly source for heterosexual men in The Secret Society or, if unable to find any, find bi/gay men for an MMF threesome (gay/bi men by default being in The Secret Society). The Secret Society exists for the sole purpose for women to be able to have an experience without damaging their reputation.

These interactions can happen with members not of The Secret Society, but the women who are careful to protect their reputation ensure that this happens far outside their social circle, otherwise said reputation be damaged.

Conversely, some women are either not adept at reputation management or just don't care. There are other women that due to various factors are prudish and close-minded when it comes to sex. Sometimes it is because they have been gaslit to view sex as dirty and sinful by a religion, other times it can be trauma or just they way they are built. The reasons don't matter. Shame, guilt and judgement have no place in The Secret Society and, despite what RSD Tyler asserts, not all women are apart of The Secret Society, even if it is most.

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What The Secret Society Is and Is Not

When it comes to attraction and intersexual dynamics there is a lot going on and to attempt to paint a picture with broad strokes will inevitably leave a lot out. For most men, this isn't an issue. Wrapping a simple narrative around the complexities of the human condition or environment can achieve a goal just fine.

In Hellenic societies the change of seasons was explained as the abduction of Persephone at the hands of Hades and the eventual agreement between Hades and Demeter (Mother of Persephone and Goddess of the harvest). When Persephone was with Hades for half the year, Demeter would curse the land with winter. Upon her return to Demeter for the remainder of the year, the weather would warm and the soil would become suitable for farming. (Note: this story varies in detail, so don't be a sperg and get stuck on the minutiae)

As a farmer in 200 B.C. this narrative is suitable enough. It is simple and allows a farmer to predict the change of seasons so that they can sow, tend and harvest. Unfortunately, it is fucking useless to get humans to the moon. A larger understanding of astrophysics is required; a deeper understanding of planetary relationships.

What RSD Tyler has laid forth is just that. A basic mental model derived from his observations and interviews with sexually successful men and perhaps members of, what I would define as, The Secret Society. This would later be refined into the Alpha Fucks / Beta Bucks model of Rollo Tomassi and further refined to Alpha Behaviors and Beta Behaviors that I learned of from Rian Stone. While all of these models are suitable for the overwhelming majority of men, it is still The Abduction of Persephone.

RSD Tyler writes:

WHAT IS THE SECRET SOCIETY?

Women are repressed by men, and so must look out for themselves. They will take care of:

1) Their own sexual needs.
2) The sexual needs of anyone in the secret society.
3) The sexual needs of the few males who make the secret society possible (“players”).

The secret society is what allows women to appear wholesome and allows them to screen for a long term provider/emotionaltampon.

Women hold off to find the perfect boyfriend, while sleeping with a guy who is likely sleeping with all of their friends, and their friends friends.

They also fuck their gay boyfriends or jerk them off or give them head. They’re part of the secret society too, so they can’t be left out.

This is all framed as a Chad Thundercock Alpha Male 3000 power fantasy and lacks the understanding of the vast complexities of human sexuality. He makes some correct observations, but draws the incorrect conclusions. Humans sexuality is a complex web of various dynamics that are always at play and ever changing. For me to say I know all of them, would be a giant fucking lie. However, I can confidently say there are three overarching mechanisms that many dynamics fall into and are split between:

1. Biological

2. Environmental

3. Experience

Much of what is talked about when it comes to intersexual dynamics heavily revolves around the biological (evolutionary psychology) and touches on environmental (environmental psychology).

Often a woman's experience in all of this is hand waved away. As a woman gains experience in her own life the more she drifts away from biological and environmental programming making it more difficult to put her into a simple model.

We are all hardwired with our biology and reactive to our environment, so don't get autistic and think that women become this omnipotent creature that is no longer suseptible to their own biology or environment and whose actions can no longer be predicted on a larger scale. They are. They are just a touch wiser and thus more variable.

We all search for experience. It is how we learn. However the experience a man seeks and values is going to differ from that of a woman. There is an autism that goes on in the greater conversation of intersexual dynamics that loves to shame and guilt women for the awkward phase of gaining relationship and sexual experience. Convoluted narratives get created to take agency away from women and their own sexuality. The reason Stacy cheated on Billy with Chad is because Chad is an “Alpha” and blah, blah, fucking blah.

Young women lack life experience while simultaneously having sexual abundance that no guy can comprehend. Furthermore, the invention of oral contraceptives really changed the game. Sex is no longer the risk it once was for women, but is a double-edged sword. It has given women far more agency and power over their sexuality, while simultaneously creating an arms race of sexual availability that before was far too risky to adopt as a sexual strategy on masse.

For generations women have been left on their own without guidance as how to navigate this terrain and rightfully so. The women of the past can offer no practical advice for the newly emerged environment. Men want a girl who is good in bed and puts out while simultaneously being caste and “not a slut”. Moreover, the girl that will fuck on the first date is more desirable than the girl who doesn't and yet men also don't want a girl who has been passed around. Then throw into the mix that girls have the opportunity to do what their ancestors could not do without great risk: have fun (sexually).

This phase of discovery, gaining experience, competition, etc. for young women gets labeled many things, the most popular of which is probably “the hoe phase”. This rhetoric is not useful and all the more reason for The Secret Society to exist.

The Secret Society is not the 1% Chad Thundercock power fuck fantasy RSD Tyler alludes to. The Secret Society is safe place for women. Once they get a couple of notches under their belts, have their hearts broken and reputation smeared The Secret Society becomes a refuge.

Furthermore, it is the primordial goo that branches off to various sexual lifestyles and kinks. It is a place where women can explore their sexuality, gain experience and have their needs met away from the greater majority of men and their judgement.

It is all subconscious. There is no membership card and not all women participate. Many may never need or want it. Women don't even realize it exists until they require it. The men who truly cast away their judgement and become apart of it are equally unaware. It is not a club or identity.

The Secret Society is the solution to the sexual paradox thrust upon women. It is how they gain experience without “gaining experience”.

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‘The Secret Society Redux: Part II’ will provide an analogy and mental model for The Secret Society.