The End State of Emotions

Finding that Sweet Spot.

Your feelings are stupid and you should feel stupid for having them is a pithy remark I have heard Rian Stone say many, many times. There is a very practical reason for this.

If you have been paying attention, it should come as no surprise that the majority of the population today has been raised in a feminized society. As such, men have been raised as defective women— becoming in touch with their emotions.

The problem with this, is not so much being in touch with your emotions, but that men have been trained to do so like women. To allow emotions to be the primary driver of their actions and behaviors. If you don't believe me, take a look at the rise of motivation porn amongst the Millennial generation. Most men can't even commit to doing shit within their own self interest without reading some quote in font of the day overlaid on a picture of silhouette on hilltop or hyperstylized warrior. It's fucking pathetic.

Men have become reliant on external stimuli to guide their decisions. They have become hypersensitive to external stimuli. That's why men post memes of anime character of choice in a sad attempt to spur themselves into action. Internal motivation or, God forbid, discipline has long been abandoned for feelings. Yes, motivation is a feeling, and feelings are a response to external stimuli.

Men are trying to reverse engineer action by acting like women. Hoping that if they get the right stimuli they can feel like actually doing something.

It is not just motivation, either. It's everything. I have seen scores or men whose lives are completely reactive— their wife, their boss, their government, their mother, their friends, etc.

These are the sad sacks of shit that bitch and moan. They get overly political. They cry and scream like women, begging for the world to change. To make the external stimuli just right so they can finally succeed.

Get fucked.

Your feelings are stupid and you should feel stupid for having them.

The Stoic Overcalibration

Some men cry and whine; others get angry and visit a rental car agency; most develop shitty coping mechanisms to die a slow and quiet death; some get their shit together.

For those who get their shit in order, overcalibration is almost a certainty. Men trying to kill of their emotions completely in a vain attempt to become something they can never be.

The irnoy of it all, is this is just a bullshit coping mechanism. It too, is emotionally driven. Bottle everything inside and push it down. Become the virtuous punching bag. Let go of absolutely everything to your own demise. Isolate and cut off your emotions from the world. Read The Meditations.

Marcus Aurelius would be proud of his book sales if, he too, wasn't a stoic.

In all fairness, men need to overcalibrate to learn where the Overton Window lies. Remember, your feelings are stupid and you should feel stupid for having them. It is this overcalibration that teaches a man when to and when not to give a shit.

The men that make it past this ridiculous virtue signaling of masculinity make it one step closer to a healthy relationship with their emotions as they pull back to center.

The Serenity Prayer is a great example of where a man can get when he learns to accept his emotions instead of becoming a slave to them or ignoring them completely. Got to hand it to a bunch of recovering alcoholics for cutting the fat:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and Wisdom to know the difference.

Emotional Agility

If there is one book outside of No More Mr Nice Guy and When I Say No I Feel Guilty that I would suggest every man read, it would be Emotional Agility by Dr. Susan David.

As some random book review website sums it up:

Emotional agility is the practice of using your feelings as information to help guide you rather than trying to change or control your emotions.

There is a bit more to it than that, but that's the gist.

The idea is that rather than use bullshit self affirmations or the power of positive thinking, learn to accept emotions for what they are; the body's response to external stimuli.

Feel your feels, but understand what they are. They are a possible warning that something may be off or a signal that something is going well. They are a data input. Nothing more, nothing less.

It isn't wise to base your actions and decisions on them completely, but also as detrimental to ignore them completely. The idea is to separate your rational self from your emotions, use your emotions as a data point and discern if your emotional response is useful data or not, then act accordingly.

If you have been in this space for a minute, this may sound familiar.

It sounds an awful lot like…

The Oak

The basic concept of being The Oak is unlike the uncharismatic rock that is the stoic, allowing the world to crash against him without moving an inch, The Oak will allow the wind to move his branches and rustle the leaves. The Oak absorbs the world around him but stands firm.

The Oak interacts with the world around him. It is not that The Oak is emotionless, it is that he can truly be in touch with his emotions. He has the emotional agility to discern what emotions are useful and which are not. He is able to take in and navigate the emotions of others. He knows when to give a shit and when to allow the wind to blow.

The Oak doesn't react, he responds.

The End State of Emotions

It is beneficial for a man to be in touch with his emotions, but that does not happen by having the same relationship with them that women do. The pendulum will swing from one extreme to the other— it is to be expected. Ideally, where a man lands is simultaneously somewhere in the middle and somewhere completely different all together. It is laying in the pocket between the two extremes, but in a masculine way.

It is to feel, but not react.

It is having emotional agility.

It is being The Oak.