Fuck your feelings is more of a mantra than a way of life. Yes, you need to be able to push your emotions down sometimes but if that turns you into a robot what’s the point of bettering yourself in the first place? So you can become a monk? No thanks. I like the idea of using feelings as input but neither ignoring nor acting as a direct result. Figuring out why you are feeling something is the real key to either amplifying or attenuating it. Just ignoring it invites you to store it up and someday it may all come out in a way that makes you look or feel bad. It can make you act irrationally which is really not a good look at all for a man. If you can listen to your emotions and understand where they’re coming from you can actually guide yourself towards a better overall emotional state. There is a related dynamic in what women need and expect of men in a relationship. Your job is to suppress your outward emotions only to the degree that it makes her feel safe and supported but not so far as to appear unfeeling or robotic. Women constantly ask for more openness. Sometimes you’ll be punished for opening up too much, especially if what you let out diminishes your status as her rock (or oak). But bringing her in on your emotions in a careful manner can increase intimacy and trust. 100% alpha is not a strategy for an LTR.
I think it´s not only to train men to feel like women, but to actively supress masculine emotions.
As Rian frequently mentions, anger is a masculine emotion and it is one you are not allowed to feel. Ironically, anger and lust are two very powerful emotions that drive men to do all sorts of productive stuff.
Great post. The way I see it, emotions evolved to motivate action that maximised our chances of survival (not necessarily our happiness), and in a completely different risk environment than we have today. Therefore they’ll give a lot of false negatives and false positives. They encourage us to fear things that may have killed us in the past, but won’t today; and also do things that may have increased our survival chances in the past, but just make us miserable today. They need to be acknowledged, and perhaps contribute to our decision on how to act, but not determine how we act.
Nor should we make positive emotions our goal. If you decide something needs to be done, but it’s a bit scary, they’ll be negative emotions in the short term. But with successful action, positive emotions generally follow. A bit like not caring about a woman too much makes it more likely you’ll get her.
Fuck your feelings is more of a mantra than a way of life. Yes, you need to be able to push your emotions down sometimes but if that turns you into a robot what’s the point of bettering yourself in the first place? So you can become a monk? No thanks. I like the idea of using feelings as input but neither ignoring nor acting as a direct result. Figuring out why you are feeling something is the real key to either amplifying or attenuating it. Just ignoring it invites you to store it up and someday it may all come out in a way that makes you look or feel bad. It can make you act irrationally which is really not a good look at all for a man. If you can listen to your emotions and understand where they’re coming from you can actually guide yourself towards a better overall emotional state. There is a related dynamic in what women need and expect of men in a relationship. Your job is to suppress your outward emotions only to the degree that it makes her feel safe and supported but not so far as to appear unfeeling or robotic. Women constantly ask for more openness. Sometimes you’ll be punished for opening up too much, especially if what you let out diminishes your status as her rock (or oak). But bringing her in on your emotions in a careful manner can increase intimacy and trust. 100% alpha is not a strategy for an LTR.
👏👏👏
It's nice to see some nuance on the internet on this subject.
The goal is to be a man in control not a robot.
This post made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I think I'll read more posts from this author.
I think it´s not only to train men to feel like women, but to actively supress masculine emotions.
As Rian frequently mentions, anger is a masculine emotion and it is one you are not allowed to feel. Ironically, anger and lust are two very powerful emotions that drive men to do all sorts of productive stuff.
You're not wrong.
Great post. The way I see it, emotions evolved to motivate action that maximised our chances of survival (not necessarily our happiness), and in a completely different risk environment than we have today. Therefore they’ll give a lot of false negatives and false positives. They encourage us to fear things that may have killed us in the past, but won’t today; and also do things that may have increased our survival chances in the past, but just make us miserable today. They need to be acknowledged, and perhaps contribute to our decision on how to act, but not determine how we act.
Nor should we make positive emotions our goal. If you decide something needs to be done, but it’s a bit scary, they’ll be negative emotions in the short term. But with successful action, positive emotions generally follow. A bit like not caring about a woman too much makes it more likely you’ll get her.
Well said.
Wonderful comparison. Could act as an example for every man: be the oak not the rock.
The Oak is a known mental model that I can't take credit for, but I agree, it is a much more useful comparison. Thanks for the kind words.